if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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