I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
