piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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