So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
