Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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