dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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