Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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