I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish I only lived at night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
