if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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