why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
