its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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