Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Enjoy the penises
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
