He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
