Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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