Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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