I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
