he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
