No awkward lesbian experiences without me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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