I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
