I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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