Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently the secret to your success is patron
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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