just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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