Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
