Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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