i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
