he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My feet surprised me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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