i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My ATM looks so different sober.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
