She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
