I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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