Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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