I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
