I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
