Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
