Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
