barbara walters just said penis...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
