I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
