There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
