dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
