Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
