What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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