looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
