I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
