I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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