He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
