His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
