So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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