Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
