There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
