Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
