Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
