I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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