First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
