when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
