dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
