Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
