it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
