everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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