i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
