Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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