NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it glows. i had to have it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
