I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
